Monday, November 22, 2004

Faith-Based Chemistry Exams

Sorry! I have been really busy these days. The semester is almost over. Students are in the middle of their Independent Projects and need constant help. I am trying to keep writing my Dissertation. I have started my long post on the past-present-future analysis of the election, a veritable tract on political economy, but I was repeatedly interrupted by a lightning-rod salesman who managed to persuade me to buy sicteen hundred and thirty one best-quality lightning rods with zinc-plated spiral-twist wire and silver-tipped points. He installed some on the kitchen, a dozen on the barn, a couple on the cow, and one on the cook! It's been thundering all week! (quick - what's the literary reference here?).

So, I will shamelessly steal a post from another blog, this time from Mick Arran's Omnium:

My sister sent this to me. It's making the rounds, apparently. I don't think it's real, but I do think we're not that far from the time when it will be. In any case, I thought you'd get a chuckle out of it.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a Texas A & M University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


I should think so.

posted by Bora Zivkovic @ 11:39 PM | permalink | (1 comments) | Post a Comment | permalink